The Classes and Children of Hogwarts
by Fluffy and Scary Satanic One
Summary: A few months after the dragon incident, Rowena gives birth the Helena, positions are argued over, and we learn a thing or two about Salazar. This will not make as much sense if you haven't read DDNT, as there are references.


"We cannot teach our students those things!"

"You've yet to give me any reason not to." Salazar glared at the other man, "Once again, it is my school too—"

"This isn't like the girls bathroom, Salazar! This is a matter of honor!"

Helga muttered, "Because giving himself unlimited access to a lavatory for teenaged girls was certainly honorable..."

"How much honor do we really have right now?" Salazar ignored her and continued speaking to Godric, "Rowena's knocked up by a random bloke, we had a one-night stand, Helga doesn't know the difference between a muggle book and a wizard one, and you tickled a fucking dragon! If it weren't for those rumors about me going to court I'd be the only one here with any honor."

Helga huffed. "Rumors. Right Salazar. Keep telling yourself that."

An owl swooped in through an open window in the classroom of their now nearly-finished Astronomy Tower (they really didn't want another dragon) and dropped a letter in between the two men. Godric fumbled for a moment before catching it and tearing it out of the envelope without looking at it, crumpling the envelope, and dropping it at his feet.

Salazar levitated the trash into his hand, muttering something about messing up the school before the students even got there, and looked at it for a moment, "Godric, that isn't even yours! It's mine..."

Godric didn't answer. He was now sporting the biggest grin Salazar had ever caused on anyone.

"What is it?" Rowena, who was now in her ninth-month, asked.

"It's the date and information on his court case."

"Don't lie!" Salazar yelled, jumping for the letter while Godric held it above his head.

"You're the one who's been lying. What was that you were saying about honor?"

Salazar gave up.

"Alright fine! We're going to court. But it's not a child-support thing, I swear. It's a custody thing."

Helga laughed. "_You_ want to bring a child _here_."

"Darling," Salazar said gently, "It's a school. The _point_ is to bring children here!"

"Not six year olds!"

"What about Rowena? She's going to have an _infant_ running around!"

"Actually, infants don't run much..."

"SHUT UP, GODRIC."

"Look, Godric... if he wants to teach the Dark Arts so bad, why not let him? As an elective?" Rowena offered, annoyed with all the fighting. Salazar and Godric had been bickering like children since... well, since the day she introduced them... and Helga was always so quick to jump in... all this stress couldn't be good for the baby.

"It's the principle behind it! No student of mine will learn the Dark Arts as long as I can help it!"

"So what? You just want to send the poor kids away knowing nothing about the Dark Arts? They'll die!" Salazar countered.

"Well, they could learn about the Dark Arts through Defense Against the Dark Arts." Helga offered.

For a moment, everything went quiet. This was the first time Helga had ever made sense talking about anything but herbology. Ever.

"Well, Salazar?" Rowena said, glancing up from the school schematics she'd been looking at. "Does that sound fair to you?"

Salazar sighed, knowing he'd lost. "Fine. As long as Helga doesn't teach it..."

"Why can't I teach it!?"

"Because..." He stopped, and let out a breath that sounded oddly like 'muggle books' "Because we need you to teach herbology. None of us could do the job as well as you could."

"I'll bet Godric could..."

"No, transfiguration has always been more my thing..."

"I wanted transfiguration!" Salazar said, "If you won't let me teach Dark Arts at least let me teach that!"

"Why can't you teach Defense?"

"Oh, Godric, don't say that. The thought alone might make him melt..." Helga said.

Rowena lost it.

"LOOK! You, Helga, you will teach herbology! Don't argue! Just do it! Godric, you get transfigurations. The fact is, you're better at it than Salazar. Yes, Salazar, go cry over it later. You get Potions. I will teach Defense Against the Dark Arts... but not now... because now, I NEED TO HAVE THIS BABY!"

For a moment, the other three didn't move. Then, it suddenly seemed to dawn on them how she's ended that.

"Holy shit!" Godric yelled.

Later that night, Godric sat up on the Astronomy tower, gazing out at the stars.

He heard footsteps behind him, and Salazar sat down next to him.

"Rowena wants to know if you want to see the baby."

For a moment, Godric didn't respond, then he nodded and stood up.

"...Just make sure you don't faint like an old lady again."

"Just because I passed out while bringing the towels to Helga—"

"No-no. You didn't 'pass out'. You fainted. You made this stupid 'ahhhhhhhh' sound, and collapsed to the ground. I swear you even put your hand to your forehead on the way down. Like an old lady."

Godric answered that with a few words that we won't repeat.

Salazar just led the way back down.

"So... if Helga was delivering the baby, who took care of me?"

Salazar got quiet, "Oh... you were fine..."

"You just left me there?"

"You were fine!"

"I was unconscious!"

"Well... what was I supposed to do? I'm only good at potions, remember?"

"Potions would have been a lot more useful than Transfiguration for waking me up... way to choose a bad time to hold a grudge."

"You were fine. Really. Helga took care of you. Lord knows she loves you more than Rowena."

"Why didn't you tell me that at first?"

Salazar was quiet. "Wait for it..."

Realization crossed Godric's features, and for a moment he looked murderous, "You mean Helga left Rowena to take care of me?! Who was tending to Rowena?!"

"Calm down! That's why I didn't tell you. Look, she just loves you more and didn't trust me with you. I took care of Rowena. It only took Helga a moment to be done with you."

"Oh... well then..."

"Yup..."

"I'd thank you, but you're too much of an arse for that."

"What's this about Salazar's arse?" Rowena asked as the two walked into the room.

"I thought we hid the fire whiskey..." Helga muttered.

"We did." Rowena said, cuddling her new-born girl.

"You're up rather soon, aren't you?"

Rowena nodded, "Helga's had all the right herbs in stalk for months." She walked over to Godric, "Here's my little Helena."

Godric looked at the child, "She's as beautiful as he mother."

"Oh, she's going to be the most beautiful girl in the world!" Helga said as she and Salazar left the room.

"You shouldn't have said that." Salazar whispered once they'd shut the door and headed around the curving hallway. "Beautiful girls have a tendency to..."

"What?"

"Well it's just that... Now that you've said that it's probably going to happen, and then some poor bloke is going to fall in love with her, be rejected, and then kill himself."

Helga blinked. "...Pessimistic person, aren't you?"

"Always."

"No, Rowena," Godric's voice came from around the corner. "I understand. You and the baby need rest. I'll see you both in the morning." He shut the door, and a lock clicked, since by now they'd finished enough rooms for them all to have their own room.

Godric took a few steps and then stopped. He sighed, and in a half whisper spoke, "Good Merlin, why isn't that child mine? I wanted to be the one to take the virginity of that sweet—"

"Godric, please stop before Helga severs my arm." Salazar reached over and pulled the woman's nails out of his biceps before stepping into Godric's view.

Godric turned the same shade of red as his crest. "Did I say that out-loud?"


End file.
